The day my son was born.. and the backstory.
I’ll start from the beginning…
When you’re pregnant you have this weird intuition about everything. I knew my baby was a boy, although my heart sank a little when it was confirmed - what in the world would I do with a boy? Literally my WHOLE family is female dominant on both sides, and none of the boys play sports.. do I really have to live my life at the ball field? I hate fishing, golfing, sports… I also could never imagine my life without this boy. I would spend my every day watching him golf or fish. There’s nothing greater in this world than that little boy.
I refused to have a birth plan. When it came time the nurse practitioner asked “What’s your birth plan?” and I replied “Drugs'“. She then replied (as she was writing in my chart) “Alright, pain management”. I thought to my self maybe pain management would have been a better answer than “drugs”. I was obsessed (and still am) with asking everyone their birth stories so I could be mentally prepared for any outcome. I specifically refused to do any classes, read any books, watch any videos.. I wanted to go into this absolutely blind. And absolutely blind I was for what the outcome would be. This was the best decision I could have made. I was so unprepared I was in bliss through what could have been an extremely traumatic situation..
Around 32 weeks my husband had been asking “How much does the baby weigh?” So, I decided to ask because I didn’t care I knew we were all healthy. Why he wanted to know his weight, I don’t know.. but Thank God he did. Because of this question the nurse practitioner looked at my chart and said “Ummm, looks like he’s in the 15th percentile. So he’s small. This could mean your placenta is calcifying as it’s aging.” Now, if you know me you know I NEVER slow down. I worked out throughout my whole pregnancy, I was very modified, but worked out. I worked 10 hour+ days. I never stopped.. My placenta WAS small we found out after birth, and my cord was super small. I think they call it a two-vessel cord. AKA, that daily Chickfila was going to my hips and not fattening up that baby. Anyway, back to being intuitive I thought “I REALLY don’t want to stop working out, but I should.” I had this feeling I should rest… I don’t think it mattered, but by that time I was exhausted. At 34 weeks I asked my doctor If I could be induced. My sister lived in Texas and I wanted her to be in town, she wanted to be in town. I wanted to have a plan for the dogs so they were taken care of and Tyler could stay with me as long as he could. I was terrified of my water breaking and being alone. I literally had moments walking Target panicking like “OH NO! What if it happened right now?” The doctor told me we would decide to schedule that closer to time but it was definitely a possibility and I could also risk a c-section. In my unplanned, but very made up mind, I wasn’t going to have a c-section. Are you kidding me? My hips are naturally wide, my baby is small - he’s going to slip out and I’ll be watching Southern Charm cracking jokes while being relaxed with an epidural. I mean, especially being induced I would surely have an epidural immediately because I’ll be asking for it when I walk into that room and I’ll be put on the schedule. Hello, I used to schedule anesthesia for the Cath lab.. I know how this goes. Because L&D is so similar to a planned ablation. (I’M AN IDIOT, but it was a coping mechanism.) After this I made myself prepare mentally IF a c-section were to happen I needed to focus on the pros… the one pro - I would be torn, or have trouble wetting my pants from jumping or laughing in the future. Great, a c-section doesn’t sound that bad.. but I still don’t want one. However, I made it very clear I do not make the decisions and anything my doctor says goes. I wanted her to tell me what was happening and take all control. We ended up scheduling our induction date a week before his due date - Oh, Yeah… we also wanted him to be born on 4th of July so we had a greater chance of this happening.. dumb. I was progressing, and then haulted. I was 50% effaced one appointment and the next not at all… how this happens I don’t know but it’s like my body was like “HE’S NOT FAT ENOUGH YET, CLOSE IT UP”. Because of this they required me (the Thursday before our Monday induction) we would be going in Monday night July 1 to have a pill called cytotek placed as a suppository as close to my cervix as possible to help me efface. I went in 12 hours before so that I could have up to 4 doses to help progress labor. I was to start at 4pm.. 4pm what?
So we roll up to the hospital at 3:30pm to prep for my unplanned (yet forced) labor. 5:40pm I have the first suppository placed, they said after 20 minutes they would tell me if I was able to eat due to how the baby was taking the contractions. These contractions were nothing… uncomfortable but I mean, I’m a champ. I have a high pain tolerance, I’m getting through this and surely once they get bad I’m getting an epidural. They literally have it written on the board EPIDURAL. Im golden, the IV is already placed, I’m just playing a waiting game. Baby did great… (easy contractions) I called my mom and requested Salsaritas burrito bowl. My parents show up around 6:30/6:45pm. The nurse comes running in “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but, you can’t eat. I know I said you could but baby’s heart rate is dropping and not handling contractions well so we have to be careful you might end up in a c-section. Oh, great.. I’m just hungry. My whole goal is to have this baby here by dinner tomorrow so my husband can go home to the dogs, the baby in the nursery and me asleep after I’ve eaten my whole large Papa John’s pizza by myself.. Let me eat, I’m not having a c-section, but fine. I’ll obey. So, my parents end up leaving and Tyler’s parents come to hang out and my contractions are picking up. So strongly that I can’t look at anyone or really talk comfortably but they’re still not that bad, just strong. It’s closer to 8pm at this time. They end up leaving and we are left to waiting. The nurses come in because Lachlan’s heart rate is continuously dropping at every big contraction. i’m pretty sure I laid awkwardly on my side for like 2 hours with oxygen wrapped around me for most of the night. I had to pee like every 15 mins and his heart rate was still dropping. I had to be unhooked from the monitor every time too. After the second time they told me I wasn’t allowed to get up any more and I had to use a bed pan. GREAT!! My nurse is pregnant, with a baby at home and working night shift placing a bed pan underneath my 220 lb body that I can barely lift and I’m probably peeing gallons and gallons at a time. My poor nurse was stuck with me. I don’t remember what time exactly, it’s all such a blur - but my contractions start picking up 60 seconds on, 60 seconds off. Oh yeah, I’m also NOT effaced at all - even after my 2nd suppository is placed and not dilating past 1cm. My cervix is shut, closed down for business, not re-opening ever. I literally begged about 3 times very kindly and very annoyingly with an awkward laugh “Im a wimp, I’m in pain. Can I have an epidural? Heeheehee” The doctor said let’s try pain medicine first.. which made since because if I were going to be in labor all day the next day the epidural would wear off before everything happened. I really wanted that epidural for the catheter aspect of never using a bed pan again. I debated peeing on myself multiple times just to get out of a bed pan, but figured that would never be comfortable to lay in if I needed to rest.
4am the pain meds hit, THANK YOU JESUS! I am resting between contractions. I can’t sleep, but I can chill out. I’m almost t the point of zen and zoned out and I hear a woman screaming next to me for 2 hours giving birth. The wimpiest screams ever. (Later on my breakfast, after baby, was late one day because some diva requested A VEGAN MEAL with DARK GREEN LETTUCE… Sunspot is around the corner, order your own food. I bet that diva was the wimpy screamer.) I wanted to march in there and tell her “That baby would have been here 2 hours ago if you put some grit behind that scream.” I was so mad I literally text my mom at 4:30am “DOES SHE NOT REALIZE THERE ARE OTHER PREGNANT B**CHES HERE TRYING TO SLEEP?” I was not very happy and I was very blunt and in pain. But it was also in that moment I realized “Oh no. I haven’t eaten, I haven’t slept. I am so exhausted with no energy.. I can’t push a baby out. I can’t physically work for this baby to come. My body is already tired and I’m not even dilating.” I decided in that moment a c-section was going to be a God send and if he wasn’t here by noon I was requesting one because at 4am I already mentally tapped out before the fight began. I’m done.. I want my large pizza.
7:30am rolls around.. I’ve been in (forced) labor for 14 hours .. I asked my sweet pregnant nurse if I could go to the restroom and get up and walk there and no more bed pans. I didn’t have to pee and I’m NOT using a bed pan for that in front of a nurse.. I needed a moment alone. (THANK GOD I had the pregnant nurse, She had real pity..) She looked at me and looked at the monitor, then looked at me and said “Okay” and stayed and waited. I walked back to the bed after I had my moment and 2 nurses came rushing in and said “You cannot get out of bed again” Oh, Okay, great. 8:00am rolls around shift changed happened. I’m getting hooked up to prepare for pitocin - which will really get this party started. The pain meds were given to me at 4am. The nurse said “Dr Saunders will be in shortly around 8:30a, to check you and get you set up on pitocin, Do you have any questions?” I said “Can you tell me why I feel high?” She looked at my like I was crazy. I was SO euphoric in this moment. I don’t know if it was the pain meds, delusion, the fact I stood up and hadn’t in 14 hours.. I have NO clue, but I was on cloud 9 and nothing was bringing me down.
8:38am the doctor walks in - I was watching the clock. Still in my head, I’m getting that epidural once this pitocin starts. She checks me “still not dilating” and continues to tell me about pitocin and it can be stopped at any time and once again I hear “This could be a c-section”. I immediately said excitedly “OKAY! Whatever you say, if you want to do a c-section let’s just go ahead and do one.” I am DONE. I was basically begging for a c-section… I want a nap. (A nap was what I was getting, for sure.) She says “We are going to break your water and start pitocin and watch you from there.” She breaks me water and IMMEDIATELY jumped back and stood up as if Hurricane Harvey was about to drown her and said “Okay, Claudia. Do you know what meconium is?” I said “Oh Yeah”, confidently, “My mom’s water broke with my sister and it was pea green.” (I’m SO educated.) She replies “Okay, well your’s is very thick and dark.. this means it just happened when your water broke. You’re having a c-section.” Cool. My wish has been granted, that phone number is 690-6464, large extra cheese, 45 mins, have mom pick it up - I’ll be ready for it when baby arrives. His heart rate drops drastically. Next thing I know I’m being shoved on my side to get a better read and a scalp monitor shoved up me so she can get a reading. Nothing. Heart rate : 0. … 20 people come rushing in. My husband is on his phone texting the family. I’m laying with my hospital gown basically completely off and I don’t even know what I was thinking. She said “you’re going back now”, with urgency. I’m assuming Tyler will be scrubbed up but the only thing I ask was “Does he get to go back?” Why? I don’t know. She said “We will try our best” I knew he wasn’t going back. I had no worries, I was 100% carefree and I don’t think I’ve ever been as confident or as close to God as I was in that moment. I knew everything was okay. I had worried faces rushing me back to the O.R. I mean nurses looked terrified. I had people shoving things on me and up me and around me so quickly I didn’t even know what to think but I wanted to say “we are okay, don’t be scared.” Why would I say that? I should be scared, but I wasn’t in any way. I knew my baby was okay. I’m rolled back to the O.R. and they say get up on this table. I literally feel like Violet Beauregard rolling my big blueberry self up on a table and laughing because I feel so awkward. I lat flat with my arms at my side and say “Oh, where do I put my arms?” They say on this wood plank out on the side. At this time I hear “Does she have an epidural?” “No" “Is anesthesia on the way?” “No time for that” “It’s a splash and slash” I heard that and thought I’m going to go through this awake with no pain meds and I’m going to get through it. I’m going to endure this pain and I’m going to be sliced open awake and I will make it. Then I sat up and said “HOLD UP, I’m not going to feel any pain am I?” They said “No, you’re being put to sleep,” I said “Okay, great” and lay back down. I get gas shoved on my face and the next thing I know a nurse comes over, grabs my hand and says “Claudia, I’m here for you". And that was the single best moment of my life, I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t scared, I had no reason to be scared, she was there for me. The doctor got in my face and said “Claudia, I’m Dr. Saunders and you’re going to be okay.” And I said “ Okay, Thank you.” Done. Out like a light. Tyler said by the time he could process what was happening (because he wasn’t allowed in surgery) there was a nurse at the door with a baby and he said “You have the wrong room” and she said “No, this is your baby. Sit down , where’s your phone?” And he was the first to hold the baby, his first baby he’s ever held and I think that’s the most precious thing ever.
I come to at 10:00am. I hear Tyler and the nurses talking but I can’t see anything and I feel like someone has lit a samurai sword on fire and slashed me from end to end and I said “Tyler, I’m in pain.” The nurse said, “you’re going to be in pain.” I said, “No, I am in PAIN.” I had 2 doses of Morphine at this point and felt like I had just been in a gang fight. I felt every ounce of that cut deeeeep down. Like I was some magician’s failed act and the woman actually got cut in 2. I had to fully awake before I could get more pain meds or else I would slip back under. It took a minute and although the pain meds eased the pain the hormonal shift took over and I was so tense and shaking I couldn’t control my body. My baby had been born at 8:53am. I was rushed back at 8:45am. I woke up at 10:00am. They wheeled my baby in and I was so drugged up and In pain I didn’t want to hold him. The nurse said “HOLD YOUR BABY” And I finally caved when I realized if I don’t hold him someone else will first and I wasn’t having that. I already was the last to see him because I was out. The doctor came in after a bit saying “I cussed your son out. He was born crying and perfect” THANK GOD! I am so thankful I had no control or say so over what happened. It was the most perfect way he could have ever arrived and I’m so thankful we were induced because who knows what would have happened if he weren’t able to tolerate contractions at home. He was born 5.2 lbs, 21 3/4 long on July 2, 2019 with such a dramatic entrance with no issues at all. He’s a healthy 12 lbs at 3 months now and the absolute best baby I could ever imagine. I am hear to tell you c-sections are no joke, but I couldn’t have done it any other way, I am so fascinated by birth now.. especially surgically birthing a child. It’s so crazy and cool and my ONE requirement of an epidural didn’t even happen. I thought I was so easy going and simple I surely would have that - nope. Not even a spinal in surgery, I was put under coming out of it with no numbness. It makes me laugh.. I was so unplanned but it was for the best in his situation.